The Worst Kind of Human Being: Adult Autograph Seekers

Jail. Prison. Siberia. All places that I would be okay with this adult child to be sent to for the rest of his/her (2022, ya never know now a days…) life.

I’ll start by giving credit where credit is due. A+ effort. That right arm is so fully extended it is almost bending the wrong direction. Also the face says it all. A mix between desperation and “I had chipotle for lunch”. You only get that combination if you truly care about what you are doing. Unfortunately for this Tony Gwynn fan boy*, he is well past his prime.

If he cares so much, you would think with all his extra time on earth compared to the competition surrounding him, that he would’ve been able to manage getting front row. It’s like buying the tickets in the nose bleeds, then getting pissed off after you get booted out of the fourth row by the usher when the people who have those seats show up. The elbow is actually too far. Even the kid was in disbelief that some old was trying to stiff arm him like Derek Henry.

Now I am going to make assumptions that we all know are fact. No shot this guy is a collector. He is selling that autographed baseball on eBay the first chance he gets. He also probably showed up with no less than 100 items that could be signed. Probably has pictures of every player on stand by in the backpack that is not in frame. And finally, he definitely had a completely different teams jersey on for the last player that walked by. He was probably in a Clayton Keyshawn jersey five minutes before this video.

Fortunately, it seems that athletes are starting realize that these adult autograph seekers exist. I think it was a month ago that Joe Burrow stayed after practice to sign autographs for every kid and skipped every adult. Now what is the age limit? This may be drastic but if you can drive, see ya. Stick with asking for a picture. Vet move.

-Woody

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