Woody’s Winners 3/25/2022

Hello friends. Welcome to Woody Sports. Here you will find the most average gambler to ever do it. I am the 5’10” 195-pound white guy that is an accountant. He works 9 to 5 and drives home in his 2013 Nissan Altima to his second wife and two step kids. He eats his frozen lasagna dinner in his recliner, drinks a few beers (IPAs to make him feel fancy) while watching Survivor. Then stumbles up the steps (the IPAs were 8%) to bed and does it all again the next day. That’s the kind of average I am. I got hot gambling for one week during conference tourney week then immediately lost all my Chuck E Cheese tickets the first weekend of March Madness. Now I am in purgatory. That little place between gambling heaven and gambling hell. And trust me, my knuckles are bloody trying to punch my way up to gambling heaven. Unfortunately, the devil chained me to hell, and I don’t have the key. Makes me wonder if there is something I can do to change my luck. Maybe I could be a nicer guy and cut out the potty words. Fuck that. I am what I am.

Duke won… I hate them. They are going to win it all just because that old bag is retiring. Roy Williams, now that’s a real man. No retirement tour. Just one random day in the middle of the offseason announced he was retiring. No parade or daily dick sucking. Although I would be impressed if they could still get it up. But yeah, you might as well make money while you hate watch Duke win the national championship and place a future on them now. The ole emotional hedge bet.

On a brighter note, TTUN lost. You really hate to see bad things happen to good people like Juwan Howard. What a stand-up guy. Boy would it be a pleasure to shake his hand and pat him on the side to congratulate him on a job well done. Think about it. He didn’t win 20 games, but he only punched one coach while being restrained by his own players. A five-game suspension is pretty impressive. I’m sure I would’ve lost my job if I punched someone at work so he must be doing something right! Its not what you know, it’s the asses you kiss, and Juwan seems like the kind of guy that owns knee pads. Jail.

The last day of the sweet sixteen and I’m willing to bet I go 2-2.

Here are my plays:

Peacocks can’t fly: Purdue -12.5 vs Saint Peters 1 Unit. A peacock is bold strategy as a mascot. One of the funnier animals because it quite literally explains the act of relieving yourself as a man or he/she.

Respect: Providence +7.5 vs Kansas 1 Unit. ““I don’t get no respect” -Rodney Dangerfield” -Ed Cooley. This team has only lost 4 friggin games all year. Respect. May I interest you in a drizzle of Money Line?

Fuck Duke: UNC +2 vs UCLA 1 Unit. Duke UNC in the Final Four is a lock. Coach K is gonna get his story book ending by beating his rival on the way to winning the natty. Puke.

Not 1 Iota: Miami -2.5 vs Iowa State 1 Unit. Shoutout Danny Boy Cane. I’d ride with him to the ends of the earth. He also never had the swine flu so stop talking about it.

-Woody

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