The Cincinnati Reds Suck So Bad Their Fans Are Pooping In Trucks

It is official. The Reds are the worst team of all time. They started 2-2 in the season opening series against the world champ Atlanta Braves. Not bad right? Hold my beer (Bud Light of course). They are now 3-19… They lost 11 games in a row, threw in 1 win and now are on a 6 game losing streak with no end in sight. Luckily for all of us Reds fans, we can at least make money on them losing. Another silver lining is the Reds vs Pirates game on Friday, May 6th should be the most watched May baseball game in the history of the MLB.

There is so much to break down here but I think we can all agree this is hilarious. Why? Poop is funny. You want to make me laugh at something that isn’t that funny. Throw a poop joke, fart or nut punch in and I am sold. There is a reason Jackass is worth millions of dollars. Bros love to laugh at stupid shit and I am here for it.

Now to dissect this post a little more. The most obvious thing to talk about to me is why does he feel the need to ask people to take pictures of him shitting? Wait sorry, I mean defecating. The man is talking about pooping in a truck and asking people to film it but is formal enough to use a word like defecate? Then immediately goes right back to shit when asking others to partake. Anyway back to the filming. Isn’t that kind of a given that people are going to take pictures when they see a dude pooping in a advertisement truck at a ballpark? I like my ballpark shitters to not come across as they are looking to go viral. My kind of ballpark pooper is humble and might not even tell people he is going to do it and just dumps in the truck.

Next. Asking people to join in on the poop. Now I have heard of a guys doing a group poop in the bathroom stalls in high school and girls travel in packs to use every public bathroom. Is it just me or is this a little different? I am trying really hard not to shame the guy but this is a different level of pooping confidence. Lets say three other poopers show up. What kind of formation are we going with? I would have to assume square with asses facing in. Now if they are all in the bed of the truck there isn’t a shit ton of room based on the fact it is a Toyota Tundra I believe. We are working with a 2 foot by 2 foot area based on all the poopers sizes (I think it is safe to say they will be rather large individuals). Not a lot of room for error. Ok now say the shitting is done with and they turn to see one of the poopers couldn’t perform. Is the truck dumping community judgmental? I would hate for this event to ruin a mans pooping performances going forward. This is the biggest pooping stage of all time and a lack luster performance could ruin a man.

Last point I want to touch on is the athletic ability of the said shitters. Obviously the main poop guy has scoped out the scene and knows there is a wall that needs to be climbed. Again this could be me being a bit judgmental but I don’t imagine my ideal public shitter is a great athlete. I hope I am wrong but I picture the poop being done by a guy who is at least 6 foot and pushing 300 pounds easy. Also now that this is front page Woody Sports news, there will be some amount of security. I don’t want to be negative because there is nothing more in the world that I want to happen than a grown ass man dumping in the Toyota Tundra at Great American Ballpark but I don’t want to get my hopes too high. Best of luck poop guy, I will be rooting for you and tuning in to see greatness.

-Woody

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