Fellas, I suck. I am well on my way to the worst gambling week of all time. I just had to be the asshole that jokingly said that last week was so full of winners that this week I will fill up the L column. I am doing a bang up job of that so far this week. 0-3-1 on Monday and then 1-4 yesterday. I couldn’t hit water if I fell out of a fucking boat. And this boat I am on is long lost in the middle of the Atlantic. Maybe being this much of a pathetic loser will be good for me. It really cannot get worse so now is a time to look in the mirror at my dumb fat face and do some soul searching. Now that I think of it, that is probably a horrible idea. My brain is a fucked up place so I don’t think digging around my soul will be good for anyone. I feel I have done a decent job of keeping the demons away while fully knowing they are there. If I open up my soul… all bets are off. Bets are off… too soon, too real, too raw.
Today is a new day. Today I start the slow painful climb out of the grave I so easily buried myself in over the last two days. I want to get crazy and start throwing around 2 unit plays to make up for the steamy hot pile of dog shit I threw out there but now is not the time for rash decision making. Reason will prevail! I hope. The only reason that I see prevailing right now is parlays. This is how I win. Watch the hell out Woodheads. I am coming in hard with a full card of parlays. “But Woody, What about the Hockey Over? You won’t parlay that will you?” You bet your fat ugly ass I am parlaying the Hockey over. You won’t be questioning me once you see the + sign odds become winners. Also don’t worry, this is responsible as shit. But of course, 1-800-Gambler.
Here are my plays:
Biased Parlay: Reds and Cubs Money Line +217 1 Unit. I will preface this with I am a Reds fans, but Nick Lodolo is making his major league debut and in my mind, he is already a hall of famer. Also, I will fade the Pirates every chance I get so Cubs easy.
Longshot Guarantee Parlay: Blue Jays and Padres Money Line +392 1 Unit. I think Garrit Cole is very much so fraudulent so give me the Jays and I refuse to believe that the Giants will be as good as they were last year so Padres please. I guess this parlay is kind of built on hate.
Bad Teams Lose Parlay: Brewers and Braves Money Line +126 1 Unit. The Orioles will be lucky to win 50 games this year and Juan Soto can only do so much. If I lose this one, I will be devastated.
NRFI Parlay: Nats Braves, Cubs Pirates, and Guardians Reds No Runs First Inning +682 1 Unit. If I am being honest. I don’t think any of these teams are that good. So with that logic less runs should be scored, right?
The Hockey Over (Parlay): Columbus Blue Jackets Money Line and CBJ Canadiens Over 6.5 +195 1 Unit. Hammering the Jackets here. They have hit the over for me in the past so I would like to show them respect in the form of a singular unit.